Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We named our party play list daddy issues
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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