Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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