i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
