I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
