I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
