I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
