SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
