my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
