Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
