i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
