Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
