they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
