Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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