Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
