I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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