There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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