all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
