Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
