when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
