Your dad touched me again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
