I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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