something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
