Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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