how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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