I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
