he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
