it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
