I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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