i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
