he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
