Whod you bang
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
