Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my liver is dry heaving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
