Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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