it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My balls are so social today.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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