In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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