2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
