She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
