I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
