batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize