i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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