Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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