He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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