I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how can u be prego again
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
