Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
