We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
