Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
