I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
