I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
