Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
