I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
