I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
