We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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