Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
