If that was your dad, he is hot
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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